Self care, personal notes
I woke up at 5.13am with the annoying need to write this article, and so here it is: my self care habits, beyond buying myself flowers. You may agree, disagree, snark or get inspired: do as you wish.
I avoid sad and violent movies and such content in general. For me this includes news too. I can clearly feel in my body when external content starts ruling how I am feeling. I have so many disturbing scenes lodged in my memory from movies I watched in the past and I wish I could erase it (children dying of cancer, violence against women or children, family dogs being killed, war scenes etc). They jump out of nowhere creating fear in my body and stealing my precious energy. I am very picky about what I allow my brain to absorb these days.
I clear the clutter regularly. It stresses me, the silent to do list keeps playing in my head, I don’t like loosing things and wasting time to find them. Overflowing cupboards and wardrobes feel heavy and unpleasant to me and so I have decided that I am worth more than that. Everything that I don’t find very useful or very beautiful gets donated or gifted. The same goes for computer hard drive and schedule, I keep it clear and not overloaded. Admittedly, I now have more clothes and pretty things than I did before I started my inner work several years ago. I used to say that I would be happiest sitting in an empty room. It took me a long time to see that it was a form of stress response and deep feeling of not deserving much. I guess this can go both ways- getting rid of stuff can be as compulsory as hoarding.
I invest resources in my inner work /self development / growth, whatever you want to call it. I made this my priority few years ago, and I do it for me, for my family, for my children, for my friends. I choose this over new furniture, new car, even trips, because wherever I go, I take myself with me. When my son was diagnosed with autism 7 year ago, after falling apart for a while, I came across a book by Bary Kaufman “Happiness if your choice”. I couldn’t comprehend that we can choose how we feel. This book has sparked my curiosity and I kept going with my self discovery since, but it was only 3 years ago that I got brave enough to invest money beyond books into workshops, mentors, coaches and therapy, and those 3 years had a huge impact on me, my life, my relationships, and it only keeps getting better.
I don’t focus on the past anymore. I was a master at this one in the past. Reliving childhood trauma, poking at it, counting all my sins like the good Christian girl I was raised to be. I think it was still better than numbing and doing everything to not remember, but it was stealing my energy. If that’s what you are stuck in, I highly recommend exploring therapy, especially Rapid Transformation Therapy.
I care about my nervous system. I watch what makes it regulated and what puts me in freeze response (my body seem to prefer freeze over fight and flight most of the time). It takes curiosity and kindness towards myself, acting in my best interest rather than pushing forward to comply with expectations of others. Recently my intuition led me to works focused on nervous system regulation and expansion and it has been a big factor in my decision to point no 6.
I quit caffeine, alcohol, sugar : I attempted to quit coffee habit and evening glass of wine habit many times, but always did it from pushing, denying myself, “should” energy, and it never worked for me, my willpower never lasted that long. I noticed a cycle of getting anxious from having 2 coffees in the morning then pouring a glass of wine over it to calm my nervous system down at night. Since finding work of incredible Irene Lyon- nervous system expert, I got very curious about how I could feel without stimulants. I am on day 7 of caffeine free life (I know it’s early days, but I am not even tempted!), and the glass of wine doesn’t even come up in my thoughts. I am doing it from a place of curiosity and self love- I want my nervous system to have optimal conditions for healing and expansion. Let’s see how this goes! Oh and the sugar! The sugar is pretty easy for me to avoid. The coffee was the real b*tch in the past. I am not claiming that I won’t ever have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, but when I do, it will be very intentional, and not an automatic response like it has been for too long for me.
I am not in victim mentality anymore. It took a 14 week long transformational coaching program (TCP with Jim Fortin, for anyone interested) for me to even see how deep in victimhood I was. And then as if by magic it fell off me. This was in many ways the most powerful program I even did and one that brought biggest change in me in such a short time.
I don’t eat junk food regularly. I very occasionally eat takeaway (local fish and chips) and I can feel how my body is struggling after.
I only keep clothes that I love and that fit me. Just because I spent money on something doesn’t make it OK for it to sit in my wardrobe and remind me that I am one size bigger than I was, that I made a wrong decision. I am incredibly picky when it comes to clothing and every piece I have is either "Hell yeah” in my body or it’s a clear No. I want to feel good everyday and I want my clothes and shoes to support me in that.
I don’t do things to myself for the pleasure of others: nails, lashes, brows, hair extensions, chemical hair dye, perfumes. I don’t enjoy any of it, and I refuse to use my resources on things to please others. If it pleases me, I do it. Very selfish, I know! I like this questions: Would you still do if you were the last person left on the planet?
I cherish water - drinking it, taking slow gentle baths, taking walks in nature near the water, very occasional cold water dip, I also love photographing ever changing water.
Full moon release. This is a pretty new ritual to me, but I absolutely love it. Around full moon (+/- 2 days) I get a piece of paper or use my journal and I write down everything I want to release from my life, whatever is close to the surface and comes up for me. I either burn the paper or just leave it in my journal and trust that what I don’t need anymore will fall off.
I use my Healy daily. I first invested in Healy in 2020 to support my son’s wellbeing, and it has become a part of my everyday life. I own the amazing Healy Resonance and so I can scan and send most needed balancing frequencies to my family members and friends. I can even run an aura scan and balance chakras that need a little support in that moment. If you don’t know Healy- it’s a device that works via bio resonance. It’s been called “pseudoscientific” , but I have so many mind blowing stories about Healy that I don’t give a sh*t about what names it is being called. It works for me and my loved ones, that’s all I care about (if you are curious about Healy, shoot me a message and I can tell you more).
The epilogue of my 5am article:
Some of us live our lives on autopilot, completely unaware of our bodies, their needs and the state they are in. Masculine energy is in action everywhere we look and the feminine flow is scarce.
Both men and women need both masculine energy (the action taking, making things happen) and the feminine energy (the softness, allowing, flow, fun). We have enough of the doing, we need more of the flowing and trusting. Feeling good, because I take care of myself , helps me tremendously to soften up, be at ease, feel creative and connect to my body deeply.
